So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
