WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
