What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
