Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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