I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
