She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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