look no pants
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
and she was petting her beer can
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
