i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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