I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
