Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
