I accidentally burped into my bong.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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