Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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