i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
