That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
