The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
