He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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