Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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