my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
