I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
