You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
