I like to think it a success when the cops are called
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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