Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
