Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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