when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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