is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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