You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
