Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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