Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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