i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
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We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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