i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
