Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
