The maid of honor just puked.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
