i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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