Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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