wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize