eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
