youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
