I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
