i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
