apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You're like the curious george of whores
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
