Pregnant stripper...not hot.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
