you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize