No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
