You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
