I just pynch a tree in the face
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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