remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
