I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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