Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
