Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
