my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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