K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
