omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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