I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
