maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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