nut hugger
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
