so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
