she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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