he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
