he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I had to cum in my sink.
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