She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
