If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize