To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
