it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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