I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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