I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the condom got lost in my hair
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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