Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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